April 30th is coming up fast... The thought of fatherhood brings a wider range of emotions than I would ever have suspected, ranging from a giddy and joyful anticipation to an absolute feeling of dread and anxiety. I suppose most new fathers are like this, though I don't know if my waiting till my 40's and hence the wisdom of age helps me deal with this better or being an old fogey set in my ways makes me more ill prepared. I think of John Leguizamo's stage performance Sexaholic, where he tells his newborn son he is going to fuck him up in all the ways his father did with him. And my father was only 27 years old when I was born, I will be 41 when my child arrives, a lot more grumpy old man to impart.
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